The Body Keeps Score

 So, here we are, halfway through this new year and I'm worse off than when it started. Things come back to eat you when you don't call them out for what they are and they keep you stuck like quicksand. You try to wiggle through but the more you struggle, the more you get pulled in, and pulled in, and pulled in. You can't fight against them; it isn't an equal battlefield.

I wish I could just admit when something hurt me so that I could handle it in that moment, instead of pretending to not be bothered and having eat slowly eat away at me and force me to cope in awful ways. Someone said something wise recently, "Don't depend on anyone, or anything for your happiness.", that is to say that things end; people change, life goes on whether you like it or not. Take it upon yourself to invest all your energy into building yourself so that when you inevitably get let down, you have something strong to fall back onto.

You place all your trust and happiness in feeble things and get surprised when they get taken away from you and you have nothing left. You need to work on creating things that no one can ruin for you but you.

Also, another thing; focus on the good. I often get pooled into obsessing over all the things that have gone wrong, I don't even take the time to appreciate what has gone right which is, plenty. There are people that still care, there are still things that you have, there is still hope.

The title of this blog was meant to reference how unaddressed problems subconsciously haunt you but I would like to give it a new meaning. The things that you foster and build for yourself might not be apparent and obvious to others or even yourself. But you will feel the effects of having them in your life, so they are worth putting in the effort to maintain. The body keeps score, so give it a good metric.